It was our first Christmas as a married couple—you know, like (cough, cough) over 20 years ago. My mom decided to get a video tape (I think she had a new toy—one of those fancy 8 mm cassette video cameras) of everyone to give to my grandmother for Christmas. For some reason I thought writing a rap about Santa getting too drunk to deliver Christmas presents was exactly the best form of self expression for this video. For my grandmother. Who does not drink. I ran across a scrap of paper cleaning stuff out this Fall with the title “Xmas Rap 1990” at the top. Yup, it was our rap.
We went to a party last Christmas Eve
and who we saw you just wouldn’t believe.
It was old St. Nick packing a brew,
slurping ’em down like he had nothing to do.
We went on in and started to mingle,
but I kept my eye on old Kris Kringle.
He tottered to the door about a quarter to ten
with a “Ho, ho, ho,” and a bottle of gin.
Weavin’ and a wobblin’ but rarin’ to go
I said, “Hold on Santa, what do ya know,
I say a man in your condition
shouldn’t go on no mission.”
He said, “Now that you say it, there could be some trouble,
unless there’s 16 reindeer, I’m seeing double.
But what about all those good girls and boys–
Who’s gonna deliver all their Chrismas toys?”
“Don’t worry Mr., Claus, just hand me the reins,
I’ll do my best not to hit any planes.”
With a hiccup and a belch, he was out cold in a drift,
Could you imagine all those children, oh they’d really be miffed.
So we hitched up the team, and got ready for flight,
Boxes and ribbons all packed in real tight.
We slapped that sleigh into high gear,
so all you kiddies have nothing to fear.
…… Not sure if that was it or if my tale continued on but unless someone can track down that video (you could blackmail me for almost anything with that baby–I jammed that rap!) any rest of the story is gone. Oh, and I was right, my grandma thought it was wonderfully silly—she has a sense of humor!
Hahahaha! That’s too cute. You guys look adorable with Mike’s flannel, and your teased bangs!